The Love of Christ, Measuring Intelligence, and Purpose
The Disciple-Leader Newsletter #18 on May 27, 2023.
Discipleship // Leadership // Mental Performance. The best from this week.
DISCIPLESHIP
"Jesus sees our sin more clearly than anyone, yet He loves us more than anyone."
Judah Smith
To one extent or another, we all fear others getting close to us. We are afraid of getting exposed. Let me explain.
When you are dating someone, you're not around them 24/7. It's not that hard to be at your best. You broadcast all your best qualities whenever you're with them.
Then you get married.
And everything gets exposed. Spencer W. Kimball put it this way: "One comes to realize very soon after marriage that the spouse has weaknesses not previously revealed or discovered. The virtues which were constantly magnified during courtship now grow relatively smaller, and the weaknesses which seemed so small and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizable proportions."
The more proximate someone gets, the more they get to know the real you. Flaws, weaknesses, insecurities, anxieties, fears, and all. We worry about what others might think. We don't want to disappoint. We want to be liked. Etc etc.
President Kimball described Jesus as being, "... not afraid of close friendships; he was not afraid that proximity to him would disappoint his followers." As humans, we are afraid of that proximity! But Jesus wasn't.
And He's also not afraid to know the real you. He died for the real you. Because of His Atonement, He doesn't just know you, He literally knows what it's like to be you.
"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved ... is what we need more than anything." That is the exact love that Jesus Christ has for you. His knowledge of and love for you are equally perfect. Have faith in that love. It's what you need more than anything.
LEADERSHIP
"Criticizing is fast and easy. Creating is slow and difficult. The two hours you spent on a book or movie usually took two years to produce. Anyone can tear down someone else's work. The true test of insight is whether you can help them improve it or build something of your own."
Adam Grant
A study was conducted in 1983 where the researcher, Teresa Amabile, gave a number of people book reviews to read. She handed out both positive and negative reviews and asked the readers to provide their evaluations.
Even though the sophistication of analysis was the same between the positive and negative reviews, in every case the writers of the negative and critical reviews were judged as being more intelligent. In fact, the study finds, "Negative reviewers were perceived as more intelligent, competent, and expert than positive reviewers, even when the content of the positive review was independently judged as being of higher quality and greater forcefulness."
Teresa Amabile's analysis of these findings concludes that if you're critical you're seen as having higher standards. You're perceived as more discerning. If you're positive on the other hand, that signals that you are easier to impress or too gullible.
Professor Adam Grant commented on this phenomenon: "I see this when I mentor doctoral students. Right around year 2, the only thing they can ever do when they read a paper is tear it apart. And I'm thinking, 'Okay, some of the smartest people in the world in this field wrote this paper, it got through the standards of our top journal, and you, a 2nd year Ph.D. student think it's garbage. What's going on here?"
He continues, "I think we have a culture where you learn that you signal your intelligence by tearing other people's work apart. I think it often takes much greater intelligence to build an idea than to destroy it."
Criticism says a lot more about your insecurity than it does about your intelligence. Intelligence is seeing someone for who they really are (the offspring of God) and helping them see that in themselves.
You'll never criticize somebody into seeing themselves how God sees them. That only happens through encouragement, love, and kindness, or in other words, leadership.
MENTAL PERFORMANCE
"(This) is what's wrong with most (people) today. We don't practice to be great. We don't practice to be dominant. We practice to practice. We practice counting the number of periods. We practice, understanding how much time we have left. We practice just to get through practice. We're cutting deals in practice, 'You go soft, I'll go soft'. We don't practice to be dominant. When I ask you 'what was your purpose in practice', you don't have an answer for me. Let me ask you, 'What is your purpose in practice?' I don't care if you practice at work, I don't care if you practice in your relationship, I don't care if you practice in any endeavor you choose to do. What is your purpose for practice?
I practiced to be the best ever. So every time I walked on that field, I had a purpose for my practice."Deion Sanders (best CB to ever play in the NFL)
Purposelessness is the single greatest stifler of progress. Someone who lacks purpose goes through the motions. They live in a function-without-feeling way.
This isn't just an idea from the world of mental performance. It's revealed truth.
"For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good; for if he offereth a gift, or prayeth unto God, except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing ... if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift ... if he shall pray and not with real intent of heart; yea, and it profiteth him nothing, for God receiveth none such." (Moroni 7)
This concept isn't just reserved for acts of devotion towards God. It holds true for every act. Anything you do without real intent (purpose), in the end, profits you (or anyone around you) nothing. It's a complete and total waste of time.
Here's an example. If you offer to mow your neighbor's lawn, but you do it grudgingly or without real intent, not only do you get nothing out of it, but they feel that aura emanating from you. You might think you can shield or separate your motives from your behavior. But you can't. Luke said to Darth Vader, "Your thoughts betray you, Father. I feel the good in you, the conflict." Likewise, your motives betray you! Behavior reveals motives. It shows in how you do something. Kobe said he can feel when someone around him isn't driven by a sense of purpose. It's actually pretty easy to discern. Others can always feel the why behind your what.
A checkbox mentality doesn't change hearts. Yours or anyone else's.
Disciple-Leadership: Jesus-led. Lead like Jesus.
Aaron @ The Disciple-Leader