Self-Denial, How To Feel Alive, What You Were Created For
The Disciple-Leader Newsletter #52
DISCIPLESHIP
“Following Jesus is characterized by self-denial, not self-improvement.”
Andy Stanley
Jesus cares deeply about your self-improvement. His purpose is literally to help you become like Him and get to where He is.
But His way is not the way put forth by self-improvement gurus. They preach the gospel of self-care, self-love, and self-service.
Jesus preached a different gospel.
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Mark 8:34).
"Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:39).
"I can of mine own self do nothing … I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me" (John 5:30).
Becoming like Christ––your perfect self––isn't about self-improvement. It's about self-denial.
Think of Abraham's test. He was willing to give up his son, Isaac, to prove his loyalty to God. God, of course, did not want Abraham to kill his son. But He wanted Abraham to prove to himself that he would put nothing before Him. That his love for God was stronger and more influential than anything else in his life. That he could, in the strongest form imaginable, deny himself.
Can you see the difference between the gospel of self-service and the gospel of Jesus Christ? As one theologian wrote, "The problem with the self-help gospel is that it expects nothing from us. In the end, it leaves us unfulfilled."
Maybe you're thinking, "Okay, self-denial. I get it. But what about what I want? What about my favorite things? What about my desires? They make me happy. Do I just have to completely abandon those?"
Consider C.S. Lewis' thoughts on the matter: “The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire.
“If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised to us in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.
“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
Don't be so easily pleased with the things or distractions you're fooling around with. Accept the fact that God knows you better than you know yourself. He knows what will make you happy better than you do. Trust Him explicitly. Embrace Him fully. Deny yourself exhaustively.
LEADERSHIP
"You'll never be more alive than when you give something everything you have.”
Steve Nash
I'm currently an assistant coach for a high school basketball team. The biggest lesson I've learned in this first year of coaching? There is a correlation between your commitment and your joy.
It's true in every area of life. In basketball this year, there have been so many halves and quarters where our team goes through the motions. As a result, we come into the locker room at halftime feeling down, as if we don't want to even be there. In contrast, the times when the team has played with all their heart, regardless of the scoreboard, they come into the locker room at halftime or after the game upbeat. They played with high energy, high intensity, and gave everything they had. As a result, they felt genuine joy.
This is why parents have such deep love for their kids and take such pride in their growth and accomplishment. Because they've invested everything into them. It's the difference between relationships staying strong or going stale. Which marriage will be filled with joy? The one that is going through the motions, or the one where each partner gives, in Steve Nash's words, "everything they have"?
It's an eternal law: In everything, you get out what you put in.
The level of your joy is equal to the level of your commitment.
Put another way, your capacity to feel depends wholly on how much you care. Consider a few examples.
Michael Jordan & LeBron James
These photos were taken after MJ won his first finals in 1991, and LeBron after finally delivering a championship for Cleveland in 2016. Both athletes, who are the definition of tough, were weeping. They couldn't control themselves. Their joy knew no bounds.
Why? Why, at those moments, did they feel such overwhelming satisfaction? Because of everything that went into it.
Ammon
After returning home from his 14-year mission, Ammon took some time to reflect. Here, he points out everything they put into their mission:
"We came into the wilderness with the intent ... that perhaps we might save some few of their souls. Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.
"And now behold, we have come, and been forth amongst them; and we have been patient in our sufferings, and we have suffered every privation; yea, we have traveled from house to house, relying upon the mercies of the world—not upon the mercies of the world alone but upon the mercies of God. And we have entered into their houses and taught them, and we have taught them in their streets; yea, and we have taught them upon their hills; and we have also entered into their temples and their synagogues and taught them; and we have been cast out, and mocked, and spit upon, and smote upon our cheeks; and we have been stoned, and taken and bound with strong cords, and cast into prison; and through the power and wisdom of God we have been delivered again. And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul" (Alma 26:26-30).
With the backdrop of the adversity, struggle, and effort he put into his mission (yes, for 14 years), how did Ammon feel?
"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God ... Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever ... Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel." (Alma 26:12,16).
A heart brim with joy is a heart that is uncompromisingly committed. Surely, Ammon would not have felt that joy if he hadn't been so locked in on his purpose.
What is your purpose? Do you pursue it with the same passion that Ammon pursued his or that MJ and LeBron pursued theirs?
MENTAL PERFORMANCE
"At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: 'I have to go to work – as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I'm going to do what I was born for – the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?"
Marcus Aurelius
This thought exercise is one of the best to measure your time expenditure against your life's purpose and mission.
If you aren't already, get clear about what you were created for. Once that is clear in your mind, constantly ask yourself, in all situations, "Is this what I was created for?"
If the answer is no, why are you doing it?
Think about your past week. What % of time, if you had to put a number on it, did you spend doing what you were created for? What % of time did you spend pursuing your life's purpose and mission?
With that number in mind, ask yourself three questions:
What do I need to stop doing?
What do I need to start doing?
How can I increase that %?
If your % wasn't as high as you hoped it was, repent, and become serious about doing what you were created for.
Disciple-Leadership: Jesus-led. Lead like Jesus.